I’d first like to apologize to anyone, few of them as there may be, who come to this website to actually read about sports. This is the first and probably the last time that this blog will delve into a deeper subject matter and have nothing pertaining to sports.
I’m not one hundred percent sure on my reasoning for writing this. Maybe writing helps me get out some stuff that I’ve kept inside, maybe this could be inspirational to someone or even informative; not sure. Up to this point I have been relatively silent regarding this issue; electing to only tell a handful of individuals. Maybe I was ashamed, embarrassed, afraid, in denial; once again I’m not fully sure of my reasoning behind my actions.
However, with so much cancer awareness going on in the month of October, I guess now would be as good a time as any to tell “my story.”
On August 12, 2010, just a few short weeks after my 23rd birthday, I was diagnosed with cancer.
No one in my family had ever had cancer, no friend of mine had ever had cancer, I’d never come in contact with an individual who was battling cancer. A family friend from when I was young was affected and even died, but I guess I was just too young and blissfully ignorant to understand the severity of the situation and therefore really cannot recall many details. To me cancer was a cause that people walked for, mostly only happened to people on T.V and definitely didn’t happen to young people.
You can probably imagine the rush of emotions, beginning immediately with shock, which my wife and I felt when my doctor looked at us and said, “You have cancer.” It’s unbelievable how three words can hold so much weight. Barely a sentence, just three words and yet those three words will forever affect my life.
Over the last year my family and I have fought what at times felt like an endless battle with cancer. I say my family and I fought because cancer’s affect goes far beyond just the one diagnosed with the disease. My wife, already my rock, selflessly put any and all of her own personal needs aside to ensure that we would survive this as a family. She not only held together a small family of three, but an extended family devastated by the news. Despite watching everything I was going through, she never once broke down and was consistently a calming, caring, loving wife. My daughter showed maturity far beyond her years. I’ve never been prouder of her in the way that she has handled this entire situation. I know I would have simply crumbled at her age if face with similar circumstances, yet she stepped up without hesitation or a request. Extended family and close friends, all affected, were pivotal parts in my fight as well.
Months of chemotherapy, multiple surgeries and countless doctors’ visits created a landscape of futility for this war I was fighting. There were certainly times where I didn’t feel I could keep the fight going. But once again, whether they were physically there to pick me up or just a reminder in my mind of who I was fighting to have more time with, my family got me through every tough time.
As I stated earlier, I’ve been relatively quiet about this last year of my life. Only divulging info of my illness to a few, confiding to only my wife of any struggles that I was going through and meaningless as it may seem, avoiding all mention of this on Facebook. Maybe I’m putting too much into Facebook, maybe I spend too much time there. However, keeping up appearances with my attempts at humorous status updates helped provide an escape from the realities of what my family and I were going through. Oddly enough it was one of the few places where I wasn’t a cancer patient, no one was asking how I was feeling, no one treated me any different; it definitely helped.
As I come to a close in this blog post, I’m starting to realize why I felt the need to write this; it is to say thank you. The past year of my life is one I would rather forget all together, however, the scars I have will always be a constant reminder. However, rather than recall the hospital stays and endless amounts of tests, when I look at the scars on my body that cancer has left, I’ll remember the best parts of this last year. The time spent with my family. The holidays, the birthdays, the four months of remission in between treatments; these are the memories that I will recall. My family is the sole reason I was able to get through any of this.
I’ve been told that I was strong, that people are proud of me, that I’m a survivor. However, I can’t take credit for getting through this battle. I cannot express the gratitude I have for everyone who has got me through this horrendous journey. My wife and daughter, my extended family, close friends (or friend, you know who you are), every doctor and nurse that helped me along the way, they are the strong ones, they are who people should be proud of, they helped me survive. I am forever, in debt to all of you.
Never once was the word terminal mentioned during this entire ordeal, however, something like this truly puts your life into perspective. You go through life taking for granted that you will live a long life. You expect to be a grandparent, you expect to retire, you expect to grow old; nothing is guaranteed. I love my family and I’m sure if you ask them they will say that they know. But, after something like this, a day will never go by where I don’t let my family know how much I love them.
I’ve rambled on long enough about this. I’m happy to say that this battle seems to be coming to a positive end. I just wanted to find a way to thank everyone who helped me through this and this is the best way I know how. I’ll leave with one final thought… For anyone going through a similar battle or to anyone who loves someone going through it, keep laughing. It sounds cliché but laughter truly is the best medicine. My family and I continued to look at the lighter side of this situation and it made the fight all that much more easier.
To my family (I won’t say and friends because you’re just as much family as anyone else)… I love you all more than you’ll ever know and I couldn’t have done anything without you.
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